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Love, Lust and Marriage
Posted by: admin, 2012-12-23, 00:27 - 0 comments

Love: When you take a bubble bath together

Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together

Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

*********
Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two

Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"

Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . To go

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Love: Sex every night

Lust: Sex 5 times a night

Marriage: What's sex?

*********
Love: French perfume

Lust: Brut aftershave

Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."

*********
Love: Long drives through the countryside

Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout

Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

*********

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WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY
Posted by: admin, 2012-12-23, 00:19 - 0 comments

 

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY

We are like this only so true, so very true..........

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house
whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch. *****

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff)

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight .

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it
to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN


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Stupid....
Posted by: admin, 2012-12-23, 00:12 - 0 comments

If you ever feel a little bit stupid just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

(On September 17 1994 Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever would you and why ?
Answer: 'I would not live forever because we should not live forever because If we were supposed to live forever then we would live forever but we cannot live forever which is why I would not live forever'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed you've lost a very important part of your life'
-- Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body'
--Winston Bennett University of Kentucky basketball forward.

'Outside of the killings Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country'
--Mayor Marion Barry Washington DC .

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass and I'm just the one to do it'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore Vice President

'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'
-- Dan Quayle

'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman ROTC Instructor .

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
-- Department of Social Services Greenville South Carolina

'Traditionally most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery

'If somebody has a bad heart they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning when they wake up dead there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler FCC Chairman

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FOOTPRINTS
Posted by: admin, 2012-12-23, 00:07 - 0 comments

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"

To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"

*******

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"

To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head!!!"

*******


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BLACK AND WHITE
Posted by: admin, 2012-12-13, 09:22 - 0 comments

In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely.When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day.

I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right.

The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered.

I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, "White." It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black.

My teacher taught me a very important lesson learned that day: You must stand in the other person's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective .

**************

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